when do you reach the point within your friendship, relationship or otherwise that will allow you to disregard any evoked emotions of distrust or intent to safe guard yourself?

sometimes i think i get there with someone and i truthfully feel a sense of mutual respect and furthermore-almost a feeling of security with them.

until they do that one thing. 

that one thing that completely reverts me back into distrust towards them. it can be the smallest of things or the largest. my trust doesnt wield any 'standards' pertaining to the weight of the matter-it just scares easily.

but that one thing just structuralizes an ill feeling in my gut, a protruding, taunting thought in my head and bluntly put-makes me feel like complete shit.

recently an individual that i have somewhat intricately been linked to, through no choice of my own, put me in that place. i finally felt, regardless of situation, a trust with this person-a trust that i didnt even fully understand due to its immediacy and strength. i let them see sides of me some of my best friends have yet to even know exist. then they did that one little thing...in the form of testing my integrity.

to some people integrity is a foreign word, or they not quite hold much countenance for the word or what it means, but i do. i truly deem integrity as one of the most beautiful and awe inspiring qualities a person can attain. integrity cant be measured, or tested and maybe thats why i perceive it to be a 'unicorn' type of quality. but its something i have been told i have, something im proud to have..and when someone even so much as surmises i lack this aristocratic, illustrious trait, my heart, trust, compassion, respect for them shatters. it doesnt bend, break or crack-it shatters into pieces that dont feel as if they will ever be fixable, or if the case be that they are...they never fit quite the same.

sure, they can apologize. they can brush it off. any array of retaliations but ill never quite feel the same about this person in question. i presume its a defense mechanism ive developed over time, possibly due to previous lack lustre experiences with trust. all i know is they have taken a sense of pride from me that wasnt all that easy to attain in the first place;  you take away someones pride, you take away a piece of their soul.