i go with the flow of traffic, so to speak, and avoid conflict at every formitable chance possible. its worked out quite well for me thus far;i have great friends, great family, i like to consider myself a successful student and all around human being. however sometimes i think to myself-when will it come time that i formulate my own strong point and stick with it? regardless of others opinions or feelings. regardless of what may or may not be considered socially acceptable. regardless of anything for that matter.

i guess i find a beautiful simplicity in being easy to work and live with and i know people appreciate my ability to adhere to their wants and needs but i question when does it become debilitating to my own pride and sense of self worth.

recently i found myself in a situation where i have actually been put on this very metaphorical spot. having to make a decision. i hate making decisions-regardless of big or small-even mere acquaintances of mine know this. i make the biggest deal out of every single one, as if it were a "weight of the world" type of decision. and maybe thats the foundation of my sometimes easily coaxed attitude; to simplify my life and relieve any and all stress by just agreeing and sucking up any and all left over emotion pertaining to the decision made. maybe.

but in past times a decision such as this would have been 100% based on the other persons recourse or what they had beseeched so strongly to me, but i find myself, in this moment, being more narcissistic than ever.  well, maybe narcissistic is the wrong word, as it denotes a sense of negativity, but i feel like for once my opinion and how strongly, morally and ethically i feel on the subject should be more than predominant in my decision making process.

i dont want to be misconstrued-im in no way an egocentric person-i welcome an array of different stances on things and situations in life, but for once i feel like my stance should be the one considered and accepted and all else that is involved in 'getting your way.'

so when do you back down, or for that matter, when do you rise up-and stand for what you want and refuse to be persuaded or even coerced into a decision you feel no legitimacy towards?

do you base your persistence of a choice on how morally and ethically denounced their choice is or do you just simply tap into the root of your feelings about it and go from there?

as a people pleaser, my initial instinct is to wave the white flag and be submissive to the other persons requests, setting aside personal feelings. but then, just when i start to retreat, i find myself remembering and somewhat embracing the words of the great Malcolm X, who once said "if you dont stand for something, you will fall for anything." 

not that i feel a particular need to stand for something, i just know deep down in the core of my heart and soul, i could never live with myself for falling for anything. 

thus the decision becomes; fall into line or come out swinging. 

god, i hate decisions.