every time i cruise facebook, i notice an ever growing and somewhat disturbing "phase" or trend-im going to call it.
an ABUNDANT number of people my age getting engaged and married. (not to mention having baby after baby after baby..but ill save that for another blog.)

why are people rushing so seemingly whole heartedly into marriage?

back in the 'olden days' marriage was rushed into because women wanted to be taken care of or it was arranged for parents to benefit, etc etc...i like to think we've come a long way since then..

is it something couples feel obligated to do after a certain amount of time?
is it to ensure future social acceptance?
is it simple because they are happy?

i understand the concept of marriage, im not totally sure it is something i personally wish to experience or participate in, however i get the genre consensus of the subject.

you love someone. you only want to be with that one person. you see them as someone you could build a future and a family with. there in lies the reasons to marry them.

but why the rush? why are people feeling the need to legate the relationship at age 22, sometimes even younger!

lets not misconstrue my opinions or thoughts on the matter; i know plenty of couples who married young who are happy, successful and evoking zero regrets and in turn, i am nothing but happy for them. i am simply questioning the rush.

i feel like agreeing to 'holy matrimony' at such a young age is slightly juvenile and illusively restricting. i keep thinking, imagine one day you meet someone, someone youve never imagined existed-possibly your true soulmate (assuming you believe in that..stuff.) and you thrill and wonder and question it but ultimately you will never be able to experience meeting and getting to know this person because you decided at age 20 that you had met the person your suppose to be with. hell im 22 and i still cant decide which toothpaste is best for me! i cant even begin to fathom at age 22 even meeting enough people or going enough places or experiencing enough of what life and this earth have to offer to have met that certain someone.

what if one day you decide you want to go on a year long back packing tour through europe or spend a year working at whistler...low and behold your significant other has no desire to do so. well your shit out of luck because after you marry someone your lives become one and all future decisions on either of your lives have to be made and agreed upon by TWO people. you can kiss good bye any selfishness (which, from my experience can be incredibly rewarding and sometimes more than necessary to be completely true to yourself, your wants and your needs.) so here you are at 21, 22, 23...and your married. the option to explore and learn and grow and think of yourself and have your solidarity is gone.

i continuously think of all the things i want to accomplish for myself before i can begin thinking of someone elses wants and needs and it basically bewilders me. i want to travel, get the job of my dreams, pay off my school debt and most importantly TRULY discover who i am and what i want out of life-how can any of that really be accomplished when distracted by an other person and what they WANT.

what if i want to travel...they dont. the job of my dreams is 3000 miles from the job of their dreams. i want to pay off school debt but i have a mortgage and payments of a stupid 10,000 wedding dress. what if i am one person when they meet me and find out im a totally different person ten years from them? you run the risk of falling out of love. if theres one thing i detest more than an absurdly premature marriage, its an absurdly premature divorce.

i realize my rant doesnt change peoples beliefs and they will pursue their illusive wedding plans regardless, all im stating is people need to think of this in a mature and realistic way. if you get married at 22 and live to be 92...you are potentially able to be married for 70 years. 70 YEARS. more than 3 times longer than you have already been alive. its beautiful and heart warming if it happens but 70 years with one person that you met when you were still living off of mom and dad is a long time.

for me, personally, i have decided that im at the age of ME time. i want to get everything out of life that i can while i can without doubts or discussions or needing approval from anyone. i want the time that i meet and marry, if i chose to do so, to be the best time of my life, i want to be ME. and i just cant see that right now.

so to all those who are married, engaged, etc...i am truly happy for you and wish you all the best.
but for all those taking it easy, day by day, living life like there may be no tomorrow and truly experiencing what it has to offer....i am impressed by you.

its amazing the things that change with time. and the things that dont, for that matter.

recently one of my best friends and i were discussing high school-however juvenile, college and basically everything that has transpired in between; people, situations, relationships and so on.

while discussing the terrain of events we noticed a few things.

lack of change.
the people in high school who lacked the ambition to conquer and flourish STILL lack those same qualities that have allowed those of us who have, in fact, succeeded to do just that.
Every town, every school has those select few people who never quite evoke themselves into successful individuals, they never leave their home town, never get a solid education (and assuming they do-they move home post education and get a lackluster job-not career-job) they go to the same bar on the same nights with the same people, and how do they afford that? by living with their parents, rent free, groceries and utilities taken care of.
i know these people, so do you-like i said, everrrrry town has them.
each time i go home, i encounter these people-hell...i dated one of them and to be more than remotely honest
-his lack of ambition to escape the deathly grasp of a one horse town was less than appealing and ultimately made him appear a lesser in the mental capacity area. but i digress...


the strength, or lack there of, in friendships.
there were people in school who were knit into such strong and co-dependent relationships
you couldnt fathom seeing them apart, living seperate lives
-however, post high school they barely speak or when they do the conversation is composed of customary niceties that youd expect from "old friends" and random how are you's via facebook, no seclusion.
is it the value these people put in their relationships, is it mere laziness or were there possibly a serious of unfortunate events leading to the so called demise of their friendships?
regardless or the ailing events-their friendships were no more.
then there are the relationships i believe i have been involved in; true, heartfelt, give/take friendships.
my group of friends rarely had so much as a disagreement it seem the friends who had less "fights" and less laguna beach type drama seemed to have the stronger, more structured relationships to this day.

its amazing the things that change and the things that dont and how little each one surprises you; your observations and assumptions of people seem to generally prove true. there's individuals i knew would only spiral downward post high school and they have. friendships i feel came with a short ended expiry date did indeed expire and some even spoiled for that matter. you always hope for the best for everyone (however human nature it is to cheer for the downfalls of possible 'competitors') but it sure is nice to observe the traits that you accumulated and developed over time fulfill all the aspirations you had for yourself even if its in the sometimes smaller and less impactual areas of life. i can look back to high school up until now and see my dreams slowly but steadily coming true and my friendships strengthening and continuing to reward all those involved. so, i guess it could be assumed that im overly and abundantly pleased with my best friend and i's observations-i dig the lack of change and believe wholeheartedly in the strength of friendships.

kindness. empathy. compassion.

what do these words mean to you?

can you picture them?

can you place an exact moment or image that attaches meaning to these words?

up until today i couldnt, they were just words to me; words i understood, words i had somewhat experienced, words i attempt to evoke into actions.

today they became a reality, something i could visualize when hearing them. the exact precedent of what they TRULY meant.

i decided to go to the grocery store after my final class of the day to pick up a few of the essentials, so i took the always overly vacated number 7 bus as far as it would take me and walked the rest of the way down to zehrs. i accumulated my "must haves"-which consisted of the very foreseen objects for a university student; coffee-to keep me awake whilst paying penance for the previous nights debauchery, popcorn-to snack on while reading countless of required chapters in countless of required books, and of course my always esteemed and indulgent hummus and pita.
with my select few purchases i got into line in that desired 1-8 item line and proceeded to wait.

i noticed a man one person up from me fidgeting, digging into his pocket, looking at his future purchases, then peering back down at the money in his hands, then looking in such a perplexed and ashamed way at his son, who stood idly by holding a tiny toy car in a box with the most innocent and endearing smile i have ever seen on a child.

once the cashier rang him in and re-iterated the 'damage' so to speak. the man bowed his head and told her he had to return something, she inserted her look of remorse and nodded. i understood the situation, i had seen it before, maybe once or twice. its that situation that we as canadians have been fortunate enough not to encounter as often as those of lesser countries. my heart broke in that instance-that moment that i realized this man did not have enough money. he had to endure the moment when he walks past the rest of the line to return an item due to lack of funds-the ultimate embarrassment. even more so as his son watched.

just then i observed a guy directly in front of me pull out a twenty dollar bill and drop it on the floor. shortly after i witnessed the most beautiful act of kindness i have ever seen in my entire 22 years on earth.

the guy in front of me tapped the mortified man in front of him.
"excuse me sir, i think you dropped that a moment ago."

he then pointed to the twenty dollar bill laying on the floor in front of him. the man hesitated; he knew it wasnt his-i knew it wasnt his, but in that moment-the two men exchanged glances and had an understanding, an understand of kindness, empathy and compassion. with that look, that moment of understanding, the man picked up the bill and paid for his purchases, as he left he glanced back at the guy in front of me and gave him the most heartfelt nod, with a smile that could only be exemplified by someone with such thanks and admiration that the man had.

i was bewildered. but not confused, in fact, i was finally in understanding of what those words truly meant and looked like; kindness, empathy, compassion. i saw it first hand- this is the way humans are SUPPOSED to be. the intricacy of how beautiful it was engulfed me in emotion to the extent of legitimate tears filling my eyes. i will never forget what i saw and from this moment on i will attempt to take on the humanadocious morals that the guy in front of me displayed. he didnt do it for recognition or attention, he just simply cared.

so what do kindness, empathy and compassion mean to me now?

everything.

all of our lives we are told to eat our vegetables. get exercise. stay healthy.

it all seems like a simple enough concept using resources like the gym and eating from the four food groups.

easy right? well..not really.
its something i have been noticing for quite some time and it has officially made its way to my metaphorical 'hit list' (via blog of course!)

gym memberships..expensive.
fruits, vegetables, dairy, meat...expensive.
vitamins, supplements, etc...expensive.
being healthy is TOO expensive.

i grew up in a household that was crappy food free-to put it bluntly.
we didnt indulge in pop or chips-EVER.
we lived on 8 acres, so there was always some activity to be doing to get some daily exercise.
we had a family gym membership to get in strength and cardio training.
we had a pool, theres an abundance of benefits to swimming, as we all know.

but now that im a university student, toughing it out in the trenchs-i dont have the luxuries and benefits of living at home, where food was supplied and consumed-no questions as to how expensive the entire pint of blueberries i had just eaten were, where we had a family membership to the gym, me never taking into account how expensive an individual one would be. i find now that maintaining a healthy lifestyle has become an empire within itself, as if all the components of healthy living were integrated into one mutual and collaborative decision to rip us off, whilst we attempt to make educated, healthy decisions that will further benefit our lives.

sure, i take advantage of every day life opportunities to be healthy. i walk when its nice out, drink plenty of water that is readily available to me, and i am even in the middle of a wickedly aggressive training regiment for a marathon in just a few short months-persisting me to run a couple km's every few days. but its not enough taking into other aspects of 'healthy living.' how much strength training do you acquire from a sundays mid afternoon walk across campus and where in h2o is the health benefits provided in the four food groups?

we are told to be healthy, that our very existence depends on it.
so why do they make it unsparingly difficult for us? so seemingly impossible?
MAYBE, just maybe if roles were reversed and healthy food was cheap, gym memberships were cheap and vitamins were cheap, we'd see a healthier, happier nation with less hospitalization, less treatment, less medication, less illness....ultimately equaling in less money from the taxpayers to provide for the backlash of this indubitably expensive lifestyle we call healthy.

just a thought.

                              

 Sitting down with pitas and a tub of hummus. i looked forward to popping my "Bachelor" cherry. now before you go getting your mind stuck in the gutter-i must elaborate;

The practice or condition of having a single sexual partner during a period of time.

1. The practice or condition of being married to only one person at a time.
2. The practice of marrying only once in a lifetime.

Zoology. The condition of having only one mate during a breeding season or during the breeding life of a pair.

after a long drawn out vacation from the tribulations of writing a blog. i have returned. not that i have lacked the emotional turmoil or ever eventful life that persuades me to write blogs, i just simply decided to focus my deep seeded energy into the more currently productive things in life, like school and my impending success.