Today, as I stood in front of the camera, makeup perfected, hair completely inspired, kick-ass theme oriented outfit, I rocked-with every look, pose and move.
pre shoot
in the mist of hairspray and blush
i felt anxious and slightly insecure
i knew what I needed to provide for the client
how I needed to represent the hair stylists
makeup artist
photographer
my boss
as best I could
...can you say pressure?
I'm not exactly sure when my inhibitions and insecurities surfaced and my confidence floundered but I can only assume it began along the same time I stopped being "enough" for people.
Enough, as defined by Merriam-Webster's Dictionary as; occurring in such quantity, quality, or scope as to fully meet demands, needs, or expectations.
I was never 'enough' of a perfect daughter for my mom to admit she was proud of me.
I was never 'enough' of an adequate girlfriend for my ex to admit he cared about me or even treat me well for that matter.
I was never 'enough' of a friend who lends things to the "friends" who savagely stole from me.
I was never 'enough.'
Or so I was programmed to believe.
As I stood there on that set, feeling sexy and liberated; artistic and respected it dawned on me. I was enough, more than enough. As described in the dictionary, 'enough'-in simple terms- means to fully meet demands, needs or expectations. I never expected people to need me, I never expected to be in demand. But here I am. Being photographed, after being specifically chosen, by an amazing photographer in a room full of incredible hairstylists and makeup artists and exceptionally talented models-with more sole drive and ambition than half the population of my hometown.
Inhale. Exhale. I am enough. Smile. Laugh. Dream. Inspire. I am more than enough. Be motivated, ambitious. silly, fun, intelligent; me.
I have ultimately realised people are always going to expect things from you-sometimes far fetched, unattainable and unrealistic. Simple minded individuals will expect things that are legitimately impossible. You can't successfully please everyone-so you might as well orchestrate that pent up energy into something that pleases yourself.
And in the end you will see that those who insinuate you aren't good enough are in fact, just not good enough for you.
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