after a long drawn out vacation from the tribulations of writing a blog. i have returned. not that i have lacked the emotional turmoil or ever eventful life that persuades me to write blogs, i just simply decided to focus my deep seeded energy into the more currently productive things in life, like school and my impending success.
however, i am making a triumphant and abundant return to my blog, for within the past two months i have experienced things i never even thought i would have to, nor want to-for that matter...therefore my first blog will contain the most lush and heavy of words, statements, dreams, fears and emotions that i can possible grasp and omit.
family. what is a family? is it a close, connected, supportive, loving and successfully grouped collection of people or is it simply a gene tied collection of human beings? i like to believe option A. i love my family, they are my rock, my solid structure of ever growing and continuous support in all that i pursue in life, including my short comings and sometimes disappointing choices. recently i accrued information on a family member that has left me disheartened and, to be vague-lost. lost in the sense that this individual was the single closest person to me and their secret has forced me into the realization that you can never truly know anyone, regardless of how close you may be or how much you trust them.
i am now faced with wearing the weight of this secret. and at some point in time, actually and thoroughly acknowledging this secret. i feel fear and resentment but also i find myself wanting to take on feelings of understanding and empathy, key word being WANTING. i want to be supportive and loving-as i have previously stated is what i believe the premises of what a family truly is.
laughing to myself, i think of times when life was simple. your parents were perfect. fighting with your siblings was expected. the opposite sex was icky. school was easy. you didnt have car payments, rent, cell phone bills-need i continue? if children were able to understand the gravity of how beautiful youth and wonder and especially lack of knowledge on the real world was i would tell each and everyone of them; enjoy your youth. enjoy recess. enjoy allowance. enjoy guilt free ice cream eating. enjoy cartoons. enjoy what is a seemingly picture perfect life. a life where you dont quite register things such as disappointment, death, pain and all the more morbid things we adults have been exposed to, that which-wether we know it or not-has begun to mold and possibly debilitate areas of our lives.
for me, the time has come where i have accepted the inevitable fate of being "grown up." it never dawned upon me what it really meant, entitled me to, opened me up to and knowing what i know now its safe to say if i had those years back, back to the days when i used to watch care bears and eat fruit loops i would cherish them with every ounce of my being and every inch of my heart.
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