Today I got hit by a mack truck.
...metaphorically of course.

While reading a text message from a 'sorry excuse for a man' ex boyfriend of mine-for the umptenth time- in between my morning iced coffee and midmorning bran muffin-attempting to analyze his callous words, I realised the embarassing over-intensified energy I put into loathing his very core and the moment I even, for a second, illustrated to him he got the better of me.

Why do we as females put forth so much energy and time into discussing what the opposite sex is thinking, saying, doing? ..among other things.

Why do we continuously return to our ex's with the notion they will 'change' or that they now be more accomodating to our wants and needs as individuals, as well as in a relationship?

Enter: MACK TRUCK.

Because we comsume ourselves with the ideology that we need a 'man' to be what society considers happy. All over tabloids we see famous starlets claiming to be 'broken hearted' over their recent (but by no means primary) ended relationship. If we delve further into the magazine that is safely said to be a multi billion dollar a year industry we can further read into the starlets pain and anguish over her, supposed, lost love and ask the question: how ever will she cope with this tragic loss?

Give me a freakin' break! She will 'cope' just fine and this is no where near a 'tragedy.'

9/11 was a tragedy, the tsunami in Thailand was a tragedy. This is merely another bump in the road in the journey of our life.

So why do we have these deep sought out feelings pertaining to the necessity of a boy, his affection, the title of 'his girlfriend?'

I blame Disney. They completely distorted my ideas and formatted my expectations involving the opposite sex and 'romance.'

But I digress.

This previously mentioned mystical mack truck smacked me with a new found sense of entitlement as a woman. Think about the wasted energy we females use up venting and gossiping and plotting and analyzing when it comes to boys. If you calculated all the time you spent toiling over boys-who, lets be serious, probably forget you even exist, you could have run a marathon, wrote a book, travelled, learned a new skill...just the thought of this freedom exhilarates me to the extent of giddy like tendencies!

When putting it in that perspective I feel like a silly girl who lacked (note: past tense) a sense of self worth or integrity. Don't get me wrong..I love boys; I love first kisses and butterflies, romantic gestures and mild cat and mouse games. And by no means am I bitter or cynical in any sense, but I do feel my independence soaring as I evolve and mature and learn that loving myself should and will always be' numero uno' in my life and if I used all my energy that was previously spent on boys I can only better myself and my life in general. When I do finally meet a man who can keep up with me I will welcome him with open arms but from now on I vow to put any and all energy that would have gone to towards incompetant and frankly-unworthy men...retract that..boys, into something that isn't completely redundant, ridiculous or for lack of a better word-stupid.

No more will I subject myself to his immaturity and lack of compassion.
No more will I sell myself short and play mind games.
No more will I exhaust myself with repeated thougths and over analyzing of his actions and words.
No more will I be at his every whim.
No more will I downgrade my intelligence or education to make him feel better about his lack there of.
No more will I WASTE time.
No more will I settle.

I am woman-hear me roar.