As September lingers closer, I think it imperative I voice my uttermost fear...

Returning to school. At 22. In a place where I know basically no one. When I'm already broke.

I cant quite distinguish if this fear is of the unknown...or possibly the known.
Am I fearful of not knowing what will happen in the next two years as I complete my BA or am I fearful that I know exactly what its going to consist of and that I have lost all the spontaneity I once embodied? Am I fearful of finally 'losing my youth' or am I fearful that I'm much too old to try and recant it?

Homework. Exams. Keggers. Lectures. Bars. Late Nights. Early Mornings. Room mates. Time Management. Hangovers.

Am I ready to go round 2 with the complete disaster that is my life when I'm in school?

I want to feel estatic and liberated and basically consumed about pursuing more education-as yes, I'm a self proclaimed nerd because I freggin love learning- as well as moving away from the one horse town I currently reside in which envokes nothing but stress on my life..try living in a town where everyone knows everyone but doesn't REALLY know anyone so they just create their own ideas of who you are, what you believe in, stand up for, etc, etc.

I should be counting the near minutes until I pack up shop and head for a completely new life. But I'm hesitant and to put it bluntly-scared shit less as to what I'm going to experience in the next two years. My Dad keeps saying I should embrace this opportunity to find myself and figure out what I REALLY want out of life-but so far all I've 'found' has been my gut wrenching fear of the unknown. I feel like I've hit a serious roadblock in my new found self-discovery.

I know my dreams, I know my ambitions; I want education, I want possibilities, I want memories, I want travel, I want friendship and love, I want to expand my mind, I want to look back and smile at the time in question.

Will I find what I'm looking for?

....Stay tuned.