It was a year ago today. It still seems like yesterday.
We lost one of the most impossibly amazing people I have ever come to know and love. My Uncle took his own life, in what I have come to realise, will never be understood. I have tormented myself with questions with less than adequate answers. Soon after finding repeatedly empty hands pertaining to conclusions I decided, not to ask, toil or subject myself to the grief of attempting to explain this raw and arduous event but celebrate, remember, smile, laugh, reminisce.
When I think of my Uncle Bill I can literally exonerate a mental picture; christmas, sitting across the table from him, by chance, as its about a 1 in 60 chance as a result of our colony sized family, and him strategically placing his purple tissue paper crown, post christmas chracker popping (a Garner family tradition) on his head and smiling ever so blissfully as he looked around a table full of people who loved him with every inch of their being. He looked over at me and gave me that goofy Uncle Bill look, a look that could never possibly be explained by words-just impossible. I recall giggling to myself at his composed, child like look and demeanor while sporting a purple crown-he rocked that thing, let me tell you. This is the last memory I have of him and it will be buried within my heart for all the days of my life.
For all the times he pulled out my teeth(sometimes-against my will!), made me laugh so hard I thought milk would escape from my nose or simply sat with me and enjoyed a world juniors game, I miss him. And my regret runs deep that I didn't spend that extra little bit of time with him that I could have. If I can offer anyone a piece of advice pertaining to family; to enjoy and love and absorb all the time with your loved ones as you can would be it.
Although I cry today, my tears do not fall off my face, but rest lightly upon my lips as I smile, for I know the spirit and love that my Uncle Bill created will live on forever, in his amazing children; Jodi, Bill and Victoria, his brothers and sisters, his patients, his friends and yes, in me.
Uncle Bill-you made me proud to be a Garner. I love you, I miss you...until we rock tissue paper crowns together again.
July 9, 2009 at 9:53 AM
Very well said Jessica, Christmas' will truely never be the same without our Uncle Bill to make a slight joke, talk in what I thought was "pig latin/french" or to hear his uniquely loud laughs.
And the picture you posted pretty much says it all :)
Greg